This past week has been a blur. I had 2 projects, 2 papers, 1 presentation and 2 exams, add to that extracurriculars every night of the week and trying to figure out the future; life got even busier faster and the future began to look even more daunting. I want to push the pause button and slow down for a bit. I want to spend more time doing the things I love.
I wrote the above sentences almost a week ago and have found myself not having the time nor the space to continue on with them. Ironic that I haven’t had time to write a blog post about making time for things we enjoy and things that are life giving? I don’t remember the last time I’ve had time to grab a good book, treat myself to a cup of tea and settle down at my favorite coffee shop for some much needed downtime. But alas, it is Friday and I have found myself doing just that. I made sure to take Bittersweet, by Shauna Niequist, with me because I knew that I wanted to read her chapter entitled Things I Don’t Do. As I read, I felt the sharp truth of her words resonate within me. Shauna writes:
“It’s not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What’s hard is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about...one of my core fears is that someone would think I can’t handle as much as the next person. It’s fundamental to my understanding of myself for me to be the strong one, the capable one, the busy one, the one who can bail you out, not make a fuss, bring a meal, add a few more things to the list...this “do everything better” way of living brought me to a terrible place:tired, angry, brittle, afraid, hollow.”
So in the spirit of being honest about where I’m at and in hopes of encouraging you to take some time and evaluate the things you don’t do in your life, here is my list of things I don’t do.
I don’t wear make-up. Now, I like looking pretty and doing my make-up for special occasions, but my general everyday look is make-up free. I don’t want to spend my time in front of mirror wishing that I looked differently. This is who God made me to be and I’m learning more and more to not only believe in that statement but to take delight in it as well.
I don’t plan. okay, this is semi-true. There is a huge part of me that loves organization and post-it notes with to do lists and thinking that I’m in control. But the more I live, the more I realize how little I am actually in control of. It has been interesting to see this paradox unfold as I go through the process of getting ready to graduate and look toward what is ahead. I often find myself in a place of wanting to plan and control, but am coming to appreciate the ways in which life is full of mystery and surprise.
I don’t do my hair. I have been blessed with lots of thick hair and honestly I love it. I love that my hair is big and wavy and messy. It’s different and I’m okay with that. I don’t have an hour to spare straightening my hair, so I don’t.
I don’t make my bed. Yep, that’s right I said it. I don’t make my bed. I enjoy crawling out of bed every morning and cuddling with Toby on the couch or making some tea and reading the Bible or sometimes just sleeping in for an extra few minutes. I don’t have the time in the mornings to make my bed, so I don’t. I’ve thought about it many mornings, feeling guilty for not doing it (my G-Ma would shake her head at me if she knew), but I treasure my mornings and I like that way they are, so if that means I don’t have a perfect looking bed, then so be it.
I’m not a health nut. Don’t get me wrong I truly believe that eating food that is raised well, lacking in additives, cooked simply, and is made close to home is extremely important. I despise overly processed food, fast food, and really any food that has an ingredient list that would take 2 hours to read and dictionary to translate. But to be honest, I think that cake made with truly good ingredients is worth it. I love local restaurants, such at the Electric Cheetah, Brick Road Pizza Company, and Marie Catrib’s. I don’t think that eating well has to mean that you eat food that tastes like styrofoam. I think it means enjoying the food you eat and if it happens to be a little naughty once in a while then it’s okay.
It is crazy to think about how my life is growing and changing everyday around me. And I will have years where I get to explore and figure out all of the things I am and the things that I am not, the things I do and the things I don’t. I feel a true sense of anticipation at what I will, God willing, be in the years to come: a wife, a mother, an artist, an author. In all of these things that I know I’m not and in knowing what I don’t do, I know who I am and what I am called to do. I am called to love, serve, take joy, give and be a clear, beautiful, hopeful, beloved, and ever changing creation of Him who created me.
In the words of Shauna, “It’s brutal, making the list of things I don’t do...but I’ve discovered that the list sets me free...and that one day I’ll stand before God and account for what I did with my life. There is work that is only mine to do, stories that are mine to tell, friends that are mine to walk with.” Make time for those things in your life that are really and truly important and good and life giving and get rid of the rest. Life is short, we should all start enjoying more and enduring less.
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